Gotta Make it Slushy!

I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I don't think I ever want to eat again. I'll warn you now, what I'm about to say is not for the weak stomach. It may get graphic. LOL.

So I was doing some research the other day, online, when I came across some sites about chewing your food. This piqued my interest, because I'm guilty of not completely chewing my food before swallowing. I've been told that I may not have a mature palate because I don't taste some of the most intricate flavors in food, but I don't think that my palate isn't mature, it's that I don't take the time to actually chew and taste the food. I don't savor the flavor.

Here's what I learned as I was reading, Mahatma Gandhi said that we should "chew our drink and drink our food." Okay, first off, just the sound of that statement makes me want to gag! I'm starting to feel sick all over again. Ugh! But apparently, chewing your food until it is liquid in your mouth, helps with digestion, and has a bunch of other health benefits.

As I continued to go through the links, I found some that gave instructions on how to chew your food. One woman was hosting an online chew-a-thon and gave a demonstration on how to properly chew your food. She said that you should chew 100 times before swallowing. She told us that when you chew, you should close the back of your throat, so that no food escapes and then let the saliva mix with your food, until the food becomes slush in your mouth. Excuse me. I'll be right back. I gotta go puke...

Then she said that as you continue to chew, the taste should become sweet. I wouldn't know, because I've never gotten to that level of chew before. And at that point, didn't think I wanted to. But after reading 15 or so sites, I decided that I would give it a try since it offers so many health benefits.

So I tried it. And yes, it is as gross as it sounds. And no, I didn't taste the sweetness. I can get to about 40 chews, which is excellent, since most people chew on average 10 times before swallowing. And actually, the experts can't quite agree on the number of times we should chew. Some said 25, others said 35, while others said 50. I think the point is, that you chew until your food is liquid, however many chews that take. Anyway, I've decided that I would just rather drink my meals (drinks that start in liquid form) and will live vicariously through others as they eat. I know that eventually I have to eat, but I'm doing that only when I absolutely, positively have to these days, which of course is when I should be eating anyway. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I know too much about the health benefits to turn back now, so if I'm going to eat, I know I gotta make it slushy.

"I Can Do All Things Through Christ"

At this very moment I am sitting in my office, trying to convince myself that I don't need another cookie. Some of the big wigs flew in this morning to meet with staff, so lunch was brought in for the occasion. Well, lunch is brought in almost everyday for some reason or another, so this wasn't extremely special. The only difference is, there's more of it, with plenty of cookies left over. Anyway, I've already had my lunch and I am no longer hungry. Probably won't get hungry again until much later this evening. Just in time for dinner, providing I don't go for that cookie in the other room.

I know that I really only want the cookie because I'm distracted. I'm tired, I have a lot on my mind, and as much work as I have to do, I'm not focused. I'm tired because I woke up very early this morning, too early in fact, and those of you who know me personally, know that I am already an early riser by nature. Somewhere between 4:00-5:00 a.m. would be my usual. But this morning, I woke up at 2:00 a.m. with Phil 4:13 on my mind. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Great thought to have, but I wondered why I had to wake up thinking about it, and, did it have to come so early? I've come to the conclusion that it may have something to do with that one-sided argument I had with God earlier in the day about wanting to change, but not knowing how to. Yes, I raised my voice. Sometimes I do that. I was very frustrated because there are just one too many things that I need to change, and am afraid that I just don't have what it takes to do so. And compared to the other things, changing the way I think about food, seems so easy.

I'm not a quitter so I'll keep at it. I said at the beginning of this journey that this was going to be a long haul because I'm making changes to last a lifetime, not just for a couple of months. And if He says I can do it, then I can do it. So let's get it done!

Now for that cookie...I think I've lost my appetite for it.

Stuck between Egypt and The Red Sea

Y'all I've been stuck between Egypt and the Red Sea. Every day I struggled over whether I should journal or not because I didn't have anything good to say. And I remember my mother telling me a time or two that "if you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything at all." I know that's not quite what she meant, but I decided not to say anything anyway. But I know that's not the purpose of my writing. I'm supposed to write through the good and bad, right? This is a journey and not all of my days are going to be nice and clear. Some days are going to be downright stormy.

I shouldn’t paint such a dismal picture though. I've had some days where even I was surprised by my decisions, like ordering breakfast from a fast food place, and deciding to eat only one thing in the bag, and saving the other for later when I got hungry again. That was a new phenomenon for me 'cause I always thought I needed to eat everything in the bag while it was still hot. It wouldn't be quite as good reheated, which is so untrue. But some of my other experiences throughout the last couple of weeks included bingeing out in the evenings, and eating passed politely satisfied. I know exactly why it happened. And knowing why it happened is half the battle. Here are some of the things I allowed my thoughts to tell me. "I am who I am and I'm happy with that. So what if I'm 30lbs overweight? If people don't like it, that's their problem, not mine. I look darn good with every inch of extra curve on my body." But while it's okay to be comfortable with myself, no matter how I look, I also know that those thoughts can be destructive.

So all of this destructive thinking came to a head yesterday, when I ate so much, I made myself sick, mentally. I ate just for the heck of eating. I ate at the mention of food. I ate at the smell of food. I ate just because. As a matter of fact, I only ate once when I was actually physiologically hungry. I went to bed just sick of myself, and woke up resolved not to go back to Egypt. Had to say it out loud and repeat it over and over. I AM NOT GOING BACK TO EGYPT! I will keep saying out loud because there is lots of power in the words that I speak. I AM NOT GOING BACK TO EGYPT!!! I will get beyond the Red Sea. I will because it’s in me to do it.